If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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