He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
