Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
