So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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