i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
