sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
