Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
