i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
