in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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