Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
