From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize