proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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