she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
