just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
