Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
