What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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