I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
