I think scott just propositioned me for sex
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
