The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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