I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
