she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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