Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
