Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
