It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
