I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
