another moral hangover. fuck.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
