you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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