I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
