Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
