love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
