he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
