I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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