ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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