Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize