i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
