K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
