Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
