The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
