a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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