so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
