Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
