What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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