I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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