i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
