So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
