yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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