My liver just broke up with me...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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