i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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