hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
