Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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