Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
