I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Duck Duck Cougar?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
