it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
