Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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