she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
