Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
