Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
