becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
