My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
