If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this will be a night to untag.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
