My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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