I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
