Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
