shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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