My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
