i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
