thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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