Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
