I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
