I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up backwards on a recliner
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
