can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
