Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
