Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
